Last season Rob Kardashian wooed the judges -- and the viewers -- with his signature Kardashian assets, so we think it's only appropriate that this season, the "DWTS" producers would ask another famous member from the first family of reality TV to join the cast. Ringleader Kris Jenner has already sealed the deal on husband Bruce Jenner's dancing future. It's not like he has anything else to do but fly his model airplanes.

Meanwhile, every season of "DWTS" needs a good comeback story, and who better than Paula Deen, who was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Sorry, Tristan MacManus, but since you proved your patience by being Nancy Grace's partner last season, we think Paula should be coming for you.

And what list of hopefuls wouldn't be complete without Tim Tebow? Can't you just see him Tebowing on the dance floor before and after every dance? It might give Len Goodman a heart attack, but we're sure that judge Bruno Tonioli would love it. And Carrie Ann Inaba? She'll definitely start crying.

Take a look at our 13 cast picks, which include a spunky Disney starlet, a Hollywood actress, and yes, Herman Cain.

3) Bring on the backup dancers.
I'm trying to avoid the obvious joke about how much easier it is to do a double cartwheel when your head is between the legs of a gorgeous hunk in a toga. The point is: You know what you're capable of. Set your ego aside, recruit a support strong network, and let them do the heavy lifting while you provide star power.

4) Don't be afraid to do your thing next to the younger set.
Madonna is old enough to be the biological mother of Nicki Minaj and anyone in M.I.A., but she looked right at home doing the Party Rock Shuffle, because she owned it. No one else on that stage could have delivered the line "I'm sexy and I know it" with her standing there, an icon for sexy -- and for knowing it! She didn't lose a thing allowing them their chance to shine, because she knows she earned her place as main attraction.

You're not competing with the puppies in your office or on Match.com. You have nothing to prove. They do.

5) Show up.
It was an act of sheer bravery for Madonna to take that stage. She knew before she started, there would be snark.

NPR's Linda Holmes nailed it: "What was she supposed to be at this point? Invisible? Was she supposed to abandon the dance pop to which she so palpably loved shaking her shoulders... and start singing standards? Would that not have invited a different kind of criticism, that she had gone all cruise-ship on us?"

This is the biggie. There's a tangible undertow in our culture that sucks older women into invisibility. Don't go gently, girlfriends. Strike a pose.

That's how aging agelessly is done.

An anti-worker front group calling themselves the "Center for Union Facts" aired a distasteful and misleading ad promoting a piece of legislation called the "Employee Rights Act" which would, in reality, weaken longstanding law protecting the rights of workers to organize.

Unions have long ensured that the rights of workers are protected and their interests are represented in negotiations with management and in issues before the local, state and federal government. Corporations can and do spend millions of dollars to make their case to the government. They use their outsized resources to influence laws in ways that directly affect the pay, benefits and protections of workers. Individual working people are simply not able to do so, but through the power of collective bargaining unions have been able to represent the workers interests and help level the playing field.

Union advocacy led directly to increased wages, better working conditions, safer working environments and a higher standard of living for all Americans. That is why unions are an essential American institution.

Unions are chosen by workers as their bargaining representative, and they exist for the benefit of workers. At least 50 percent of workers must vote to create a union, and the dues unions collect are subject to federal and state laws.

Workers who do want to form unions face difficult obstacles. In 34 percent of union election campaigns, employers target workers they see as union organizers. When workers show signs that they want to organize, employers routinely engage in a host of illegal tactics, like threatening workers or threatening to close the plant.

The goal of this misleading advertising is to spread misperceptions about unions so that workers will not join them, and the implication is that workers will be better off. But eliminating unions would not save workers money or in any way improve their position. In fact, in so-called "right to work" states, the workers are actually worse off. "Right to work" laws cost workers an average of $1500.

American workers have suffered in the last few years in the wake of the worst recession since the Great Depression. Corporations have already rebounded, in many cases reporting record profits. Meanwhile, the wages of American workers have been stagnant for the last 40 years. We ought to be strengthening the rights of American workers, not weakening them with slickly produced, misleading ads.

Luckily, EW has an exclusive sneak peek at all that tension coming in the next new episode of the primetime soap, which returns from a three-week hiatus tomorrow, Feb. 8, with an hour titled "Perception."

TV Remakes Are Bad Mojo.

It's not that I think producing series that have already been made shows a lack of originality or ambition (which I do). It's not that rehashing shows from the past reduces the chances for new; unique ideas to succeed (which it does). It's not even that I intensely dislike almost all of the TV that has ever been remade (before you set your Tweet to stun, see the BSG comment above).

I claim that TV Remakes are bad juju, because I have done the research, and it is simply, conclusively, unquestionably, factually true. Skeptical? Here is a chart laying out the historical success/failure rate of TV Remakes, show by show:

Notes: I have run the data two ways -- with and without Smallville. With Smallville, the data is terrible. However, unlike Lois & Clark, Smallville is not really a remake of The Adventures of Superman -- it's an extension of the Comic Book and Film franchise. Without Smallville in the calculation, the results are even more dire; 20 percent worse, in fact.

The only other valid successes on the list are Battlestar and Outer Limits. The first was so well made it eradicates all memory of the original, and is therefore an exception. The latter was both syndicated and Canadian -- therefore, irrelevant.

Lastly, this is not an analysis of adaptations of TV series from other countries. The history of foreign transfers -- from All In The Family to The Office -- is significantly more storied and successful. No, this analysis and critique is limited to recycled series and ideas.

With OR without successful exceptions, the data is crystal clear. STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, TV REMAKES FAIL. This has nothing to do with artistic merit, critical acclaim, audience reaction or personal taste. Audiences reject them, and then they get cancelled -- assuming they even make it to air. The success-to-failure-ratio of TV reboots is so obviously abysmal, one can only wonder: How do they keep getting green-lit? Is this the first time this analysis has been done? (It isn't. Even on HuffPost.)

Knight Rider crashed. Charlie's Angels fell to earth. Wonder Woman... wasn't. You'd think as an industry we would get the message. (Ok, Hawaii Five-O is making it so far. But isn't that really just NCIS with a great theme song?) Yet, at this moment, there are no fewer than four major remakes planned for the 2012-2013 season.

On more than one occasion, I've used this space to show that we are in a golden era of television. From drama to comedy to animation and (yes) even reality, there is more good stuff on TV now, than at any point in its history. Beyond that, there are also hundreds of scripts and pilots that never make it to air -- NEW ideas, from new voices, with new perspectives, that die in development.

Despite ALL that, someone, somehow still decided to remake The Munsters. Seriously. The Munsters. This is happening.

Look, Brian Fuller (re-creator of The Munsters) is enormously talented. I was a big fan of his last show, Pushing Daisies -- it was a smart, funny, innovative series that should have run much longer (and on cable, might have). I am sure Fuller will endeavor to make The Munsters as interesting as possible (you have no idea how hard it was to type that sentence). In fact, to show just how fresh and edgy it will be, he's renamed it -- now it's called Mockingbird Lane! (If you pitched this as a plot for Entourage, I'm pretty sure you'd be told it was too far-fetched).

Am I crazy? Does this not scream "BAD IDEA, GO BACK!"?! If you want the show to be so different from the original, why remake it? Are there no original scripts to produce? No NEW characters to develop? DOES TELEVISION REALLY NEED EVEN MORE VAMPIRES? Oh, and by the way, look at the chart!

As previously mentioned, I see Battlestar as an exception. Earlier this season, we even paid homage to Ronald Moore and Commander Adama on a very special episode of Portlandia (One Moore Episode). But one remarkable outlier does not mitigate the fact that the millions of dollars spent recreating old series, diverts resources from new shows that -- even in failure -- are additive to the medium (see: Pushing Daisies). Reheated leftovers send a message that our industry is out of ideas. Worst of all, it flies in the face of substantial, overwhelming and irrefutable data. By a factor of 6 to 1, remakes do not work.

TV is taking more chances than ever. It attracts the best and brightest talent, it takes the greatest creative risks and it is the only popular medium consistently increasing audiences year after year. Not only are smart, complex series like Homeland, Louie, Breaking Bad and Downton Abbey getting on TV, they're finding sizable audiences. Why, then, does the industry feel compelled to play it safe -- dusting off old titles and recycling old ideas? More confusing, why do we think this IS safe, when all available evidence says otherwise?

After a movie remake JUST failed, how do you explain the upcoming remake of Bewitched? "Here's the pitch: Samantha Stevens IS Hermione Granger!"

So, why do I care? First, I needed a subject for this week's piece, and The Munster's announcement got me all wound up. Second, I have a real fear that the creative sloth that gave us Andy Dick in Get Smart; Robert Urich in Love Boat; and now promises us The Munsters without Fred Gwynn puts the industry's success at risk (Am I overreacting? For a cautionary tale, see the Domestic Movie Box Office). In a cluttered landscape of nearly limitless entertainment choices, the only way to keep viewers coming back is to continue taking risks and advancing the art-form.

Conventional Wisdom says that remakes come with "built in brand awareness" and "ready-made goodwill"; it will tempt you with "proven success" and "well established characters." Please, don't take the bait. THE DATA SPEAKS FOR ITSELF: THOSE WHO IGNORE THE HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEATS.

Bonus: During my research, I unearthed even more information on potential future remakes (future remake is literally an oxymoron). Below is a chart containing six elevator pitches for new TV Reboots (new reboot: another oxymoron). Look for them soon on a TV near you.

That's because the "Jersey Shore" stars were on a seemingly endless press tour to promote the latest season of MTV's hit reality show. As fate would have it, it was the same week that the city of Hoboken refused to issue permits for the taping of the women's upcoming MTV spinoff show and when a rumor that Snooki was pregnant was sweeping the Internet (she says she's not).

Not that rumors or headlines have ever really distressed the pair. In fact, during our interview, JWoww and Snooki admitted that they have set up Google alerts so they can instantly learn when a new story about them hits the web. Snooki, who was pouring over several tabloid magazines when we sat down to chat in the MTV offices in Times Square, remarked "I just like my name being in the news."

Here the "Jersey Shore" roommates discuss their gay following, feminism, having gay children, and more.

The Huffington Post: Was there an exact moment that you can point to when you realized you have a gay following?

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi: I always knew. I feel like I get along more with gay guys than I do...

Snooki and Jennifer "JWoww" Farley: Girls.

Really?

JWoww: My gay best friend Joey was like, "Do you know that Perez [Hilton] talks about you guys all the time?" We love everybody but Joey was like, "No! You don't get it!" [Laughs] Me and Joey have been friends since I was 16 and we moved to New York together and he's the reason I'm on ["the Jersey Shore"].

JWoww, last year you tweeted that you were upset that gay marriage wasn't legal in New York yet. What are you thinking about the current fight to get it legalized in New Jersey?

JWoww: The same [as I thought about gay marriage in New York]. I was living in New York last year and now that I'm living in Jersey, I want the same thing there. My best friend couldn't get married.

Snooki: I told her to run for president so that everyone could get married. Because I certainly can't [run for president.]

JWoww: I was really upset -- that's what I tweeted about. My friend couldn't get married. He had to get a domestic partnership [at the time] and I was so pissed off about that. I was like, "I want to go to your wedding. You're going to be my bridesmaid and I'm going to be your bridesmaid..."

Snooki: Is he going to wear a dress?

JWoww: I don't know. I hope so. [Laughs]

You were both featured in one of MTV's "Love Is Louder" videos which tackles the issue of bullying. In it you mentioned that you know what it's like to be discriminated against. What were you referring to?

JWoww: We're just very stereotyped. [Snooki was] bullied in high school and so was I.

Snooki: Yeah. And I'm probably the top celebrity that gets bullied today.

JWoww: She's itty bitty but she's proportional.

Snooki: I'm just different and everyone hates me for it.

JWoww: And I'm 5'7'' and I might have a fat day -- it can be anything!

Snooki: But you're like a model. You fit in. I'm... different.

JWoww: What we do on the show -- people say we're alcoholics. We get discriminated against for drinking. And we're tan so now we've caused these tanning taxes and we're getting a bad rap for tanning.

Snooki: People just take us too seriously.

What's the biggest misconception people have about you?

Snooki: That we're stupid. We're not stupid. We're very smart, actually.

JWoww: That really gets under my skin. It's like you don't know me to judge me. We're sorry we're not walking on the shore with three-piece business suits or evening gowns.

Snooki: Or using big words.

JWoww: It feels like people just see one side of us and they shouldn't judge. And we watch other reality shows all the time. We're fans of everyone else and we never judge them. So it's weird to be judge by other people.

Do you read your own press?

Snooki: We have Google alerts!

Jwoww: It's funny.

So do you take what people write about you seriously? Snooki, when people are writing about the pregnancy rumors, for instance, does it freak you out?

Snooki: No. I just like my name being in the news.

JWoww: She [supposedly] gets pregnant. I have 500 facelifts done -- what else [do they write]?

Snooki: You're engaged. I'm engaged.

So it just rolls off your backs?

Snooki and JWoww: Always.

Snooki: We have a thick skin. We don't care what people think.

JWoww: Because when the show first came out [the press] was so negative. So we had to learn how to deal with it right from the jump. People love to hate us.

Snooki, things got hot and heavy with Deena [another one of the "Jersey Shore" roommates] last season. Do you consider yourself bisexual?

Snooki: I would consider myself bi. I've done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like... penis. But I've experimented.

What about Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino? What's the deal? Gay? Not gay?

Snooki: Do you think he's gay?

It wouldn't shock me. Whenever he brings a girl home something always seems to go awry and they don't end up hooking up.

Snooki: And he gives them men's clothing to wear.

JWoww: And his posture and the way he holds his cigarettes... everything. Listen, I know I keep talking about my best friend Joey, but his husband was closeted for 27 years of his life. And I knew him before he came out. So because of that I know... the signs.

Snooki: Did you know the whole time that he was gay?

JWoww: Yeah! And it drove me nuts! I'm like, "Be happy with yourself!"

Snooki: Was he like, "No, I'm not"?

JWoww: He had a girlfriend! I was just like, "I would love you more if you could be yourself." I can't confirm or deny with Mike, but if he was, it would all make sense.

Do you talk to him about it?

JWoww: He brings it up. He'll say, "People think I'm gay and I don't know what they're talking about."

Snooki: He told me one time, "[All the talk is] making me wonder."

Do you consider yourselves feminists?

JWoww: No.

Snooki: What does "feminist" actually mean?

It can mean a lot of things. But in this context I was thinking about your approach to sex and sexuality and how bold and unashamed you are about it.

Snooki: Then yes.

JWoww: I thought feminism was derogatory in a sense. Have you ever seen "Borat?"

I have.

JWoww: There were feminists in "Borat" and they were like [to Borat] "You're so stereotypical!"

Snooki: I'm sure it means different things. But to us, we're just strong women.

JWoww: I'm just myself.

Snooki: We're not "girlie girlie."

JWoww: I think we're more like men because we do show our sexuality and burp and fart.

Snooki: When it comes to sex, I'm definitely a guy.

You don't see that from a lot of other women on TV.

Snooki: All women are like us. They're just scared.

Jwoww: Yeah. Filtered.

Snooki: Sam [Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, another "Jersey Shore" roommate] is a little freak, but she just doesn't say anything. But I know she is.

JWoww: Closeted freak!

Going back to the pregnancy rumor -- how would you either of you feel if your child told you he or she was gay?

JWoww: I always thought my son would end up being gay. I'm like, "Uncle Joey will raise him up to be..." I'd be fine with it.

Snooki: I'd be fine. I would never disown my child.

JWoww: I would be excited.

Snooki: It would be more fun!

JWoww: Can you imagine?

A lot of my friends who are just starting to have kids say the same thing. They jokingly ask, "How can we make this happen?" It's like, "Sorry. It doesn't work that way."

JWoww: It's not a choice, honey.

Is there anything either of your families have seen on the show that they were upset about? Or do you ever worry while you're filming?

JWoww: Do you think we worry? [Laughs]

But is there any kind of filter? There's no time when you think Oh no, my dad is going to see that?

JWoww: Our parents said the best thing: They were us times ten!

Snooki: My mom was innocent, but my dad was really bad.

JWoww: If they had a camera following them in the '70s? Can you imagine?

Snooki: And if I was 16 I might worry about it, but we're grown. So it's like, deal with it.

What will your new spinoff allow you to do that you haven't already done on "The Jersey Shore"?

JWoww: Show the different sides of us that people haven't seen.

Snooki: And more of our relationships.

JWoww: [The relationship between Snooki and me], our boyfriends, our families, our friends -- and also traveling and just experiencing life. We're able to just wake up and decide we want to go to Mexico.

Snooki: And we don't have to rely on all the other people.

JWoww: Right. When we're on the shore we have to get everyone together and it's a process and we end up not doing it.

Snooki: And we'd rather just hang out with each other.

JWoww: Yeah. And now we can do it.

Whose career would you love to have?

JWoww: Angelina Jolie. Not the acting -- but I'm obsessed with her. I know that she gives half her paycheck to charities but she's also knee-deep into it. She wants to make a difference. And I think that's what separates her from a lot of celebrities who just do it all for a write off. She's just so passionate about it. And I want to be passionate like that when it comes to animals and children. I've never experienced what she's experienced and I keep hearing that if you go to a third world country it'll change your life. And that's what I want.

Snooki: I would say Jessica Simpson in terms of her business and her brand. She's a genius and she's a business woman and that's what I want to be. I admire her a lot.

Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Snooki: With four kids, married, with my own spinoff showing my husband and kids and then a big business.

JWoww: You want four? Oh my god -- your poor vagina! But I want the same thing -- kids and marriage. I hope reality TV is still around in 10 years.

Snooki: It will be. And if it's not, I'll just tape myself and put myself on YouTube.

For more on the "Jersey Shore," visit the show's official site. For more from Snooki, follow her on Twitter. For more from JWoww, follow her on Twitter.

See JWoww and Snooki in action:

Chris Harrison has been pimping the Canadian edition of "The Bachelor" ever since the original reality series for Citytv was announced two weeks ago. Now comes the most important news (well, aside from the guy who will be doling out the roses): the lucky ladies.

Citytv is launching a nationwide search to find 25 ideal women for the first-ever season of "The Bachelor Canada." The casting call will take place in six cities, beginning Sunday, Feb. 19 in Vancouver, then make stops in Calgary, Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal and Halifax.

Vancouver (Loden Hotel, 1177 Melville St.)
Sunday, Feb. 19 from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Calgary (Hyatt Regency Calgary, 700 Centre St. SW)
Tuesday, Feb. 21 from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Winnipeg (Fort Garry Hotel, 222 Broadway)
Thursday, Feb, 23 from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Toronto (InterContinental, Toronto Centre Hotel, 225 Front St. W0
Saturday, Feb. 25 from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.
Sunday, Feb. 26 from 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

Montreal (Hyatt Regency Montreal, 1255 Jean-Mance St.)
Monday, Feb, 27 from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Halifax (Halifax Marriott, Harbourfront Hotel, 1919 Upper Water St.)
Tuesday, Feb. 28 from 12:30 p.m. - 8 p.m.

"The Bachelor Canada" debuts this fall on Citytv.Here are the full details on the casting tour and eligibility rules.

Teresa Hunt, of Bettendorf, is accused of threatening to release photos of a cast member in "apparently intimate situations" to a magazine.

Hunt was arrested Feb. 1 after she apparently sent television executives typed and handwritten letters demanding the show be canceled, along with a business card for "Perfect Pictures."

The reality show follows Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their 19 children.

The letter was sent in January to the parent company of LTC describing Hunt's professional relationship with a 56-year-old musician who performs in Branson, Mo., and providing details of an affair with an unspecified female cast member, according to an affidavit in U.S. District Court in Davenport.

Hunt's arrest was first reported last Thursday by the Quad-City Times in Davenport.

In the letter, Hunt allegedly said that the Duggars "claim to be so Christian so they keep popping out more babies to keep their ratings up."

In the affidavit, an FBI undercover agent called Hunt, saying he represented Discovery and was following up on her letter. She said she was a photographer and was in possession of damaging pictures.

Hunt then sent an email with three pictures attached to the undercover agent, according to the affidavit.

"I have more buried in a box at my parent's home, but it will take some time to go through the boxes to find them. I'm attaching what I currently have on my computer. I hope these are enough," the email said.

In the email allegedly from Hunt, she said she doesn't like the musician and "he owes me money." She allegedly said she's willing to "settle for $10,000," and has no reason to hurt the cast member "except that's she's on a reality show and pretends to be a right-wing Christian and she's sleeping with a 56 year old man."

There is no telephone listing for Hunt. A call to her attorney, Jack Dusthimer, wasn't returned Monday.

In one corner, there's young, inexperienced Broadway dreamer Karen Cartwright (Katharine McPhee) and in the next is Ivy Lynn (Megan Hilty), a stage veteran who is more than ready for her chance to shine. Who will be Marilyn? Even though that might be revealed by episode two, this Karen-Ivy showdown is far from over.

"Oh my goodness, it's inevitable," Megan Hilty told HuffPost TV on the "Smash" set. "I've already gotten t-shirts sent to me. I plan on rocking my Team Karen t-shirt full force. Every show needs a good rivalry, right?"

Katharine McPhee said she thinks the Team Karen and Team Ivy allegiances are great.

"It started during the pilot when people started saying Team Ivy/Team Karen and now, it's starting to pick up some steam and I think it's fantastic," McPhee said on the set of "Smash" in late January. "Obviously, I'm rooting for Team Ivy! Because that wouldn't be fair if I was rooting for myself."

When I let her know Hilty planned on wearing a Team Karen shirt, McPhee laughed and said, "Yeah, we're rooting for each other.

"Off-camera we just adore each other, at least I do. Who knows what she says behind my back. She might be too close to her character!" McPhee said with a laugh.

However, not everybody on the "Smash" set is picking sides. Executive producer Neil Meron said it's almost impossible.

"Oh, that's like trying to chose who is your favorite child," Meron said. "You can't ... I don't think you're going to hear anybody on this show play favorites because -- the most talented person will get the part. Maybe."

And what do viewers think? See what they had to say below and add your vote to the comments.

"Smash" airs Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on NBC.

You have to give "The River" (9 p.m. EST Tuesday, ABC) credit for living up to its name.

It does indeed take place on a river, and its premise is, like a big body of water, pretty easy to follow: Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood), the world-renowned host of a popular nature program, has gone missing in the Amazon, and his family is trying to find him. Spooky hijinks ensue.

Having watched five episodes of this eight-hour series, you'd think I'd have something definitive to say about it. "The River" isn't terrible, and it actually has some effective elements, but it's fairly indicative of ABC's post-"Lost" flailing. Over the past five or six years, ABC has tried and tried again to replicate parts of the "Lost" formula, but with more timid concepts and less imaginative executions. Turns out imitating parts of the iconic island show and throwing a lot of money and actors at those genre-tinged copies just makes those of us who loved "Lost's" strangely addictive and ever-changing melange miss it all the more.

Given the network's track record in this arena, any ABC show with freaky elements and/or an excess of tropical foliage is going to get a skeptical once-over. Fool me once, shame on you. Attempt to fool me 27 times and you will wake my inner Smoke Monster.

Still, despite my misgivings, I kept watching "The River." And as I watched the first five episodes of the show, a point-counterpoint developed while writing things down in my notebook. I'd finish noting something I liked about the show, but then I'd have to jot down one of the more melodramatic contrivances that I'd sighed (or giggled) about. Almost everything I liked about this relatively unambitious scare-fest would be balanced out by something that struck me as predictable or a little goofy.

I'm not a fan of scary movies for the most part, so the fact that some of the people behind "Paranormal Activity" helped create "The River" didn't do a lot for me (Steven Spielberg is also listed in the credits; this is one of the approximately 4,000 shows he's put his name on in the last few years). The first five hours of "The River" attempt to blend horror, thrills and very rudimentary character drama, but I wasn't possessed by an overwhelming urge to find out what happened in the final three hours of the first season. There were, however, things I enjoyed about the show.

If you like spooky dramas and are wondering whether this show is worth your time, perhaps this list of pros and cons will help you decide whether to embark on this "River" cruise.

Reasons to watch "The River":

1. It's your basic haunted-house story.

It might have an exotic setting, but "The River" has a fairly classic horror set-up, with haunted boat taking the place of a creaky old mansion. The premise of the show has Cole's wife, Tess (Leslie Hope) and son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), setting out to find the missing naturalist in the Magus, the battered ship that the Cole family had long used as a base for their globe-trotting adventures. Like a more wholesome outpost of the "Real World" franchise, every corner of the boat is tricked out with cameras, so as the Coles and their crew float down the Amazon attempting to follow Emmet's trail, all manner of odd occurrences are recorded by the ship's cameras and by the TV crew on board. The boat hosts its share of weird creatures, and venturing off the Magus leads to further creepy adventures, most of which are wrapped up within individual episodes.

2. It's only eight episodes.

Why does a television season have to be 13 or 22 episodes? The standard TV model has come under increasing pressure in recent years, and it's not just because networks are trimming budgets. Let's face it: TV shows that put out 22 or 24 episodes probably only end up with 10 episodes worth writing home about every season. "The River" is at least attempting to adapt a model that is very common in the U.K.: This season is only eight episodes (though it could come back for a second season if the first does well). Especially in its first episode, "The River" shows an admirable economy and brisk pace as it lays out the mystery of Emmet's disappearance and the conflicts that afflict his family, crew and production personnel. Even if the show is a little slapdash or logy at times, there's a sense that "The River" isn't going to tapdance and stretch the central story beyond its breaking point. And even if you do get fed up, you'll only have invested a few hours in the show.

3. There are some effectively freaky and scary moments.

Many of the best moments of "The River" are glimpses that flash by quickly; what's more scary than the thing you think you see out of the corner of your eye? Those kinds of atmospheric moments are generally more effective than the bigger set pieces the show attempts with more easily identifiable villains or ghouls. But if you like creepy scares and unsettling happenings, this show keeps them coming with clockwork regularity. And unlike "The Walking Dead," "The River" isn't grim or depressing. At its B-level best, "The River" is hokey horror fun shot with a knowing reality-TV aesthetic.

4. It won't strain your brain.

When it comes to an overarching "mythology," nothing about the season-long story arc will strain your memory banks. From the sounds of it, Emmet tumbled into an obsession with the kinds of magic he found deep in the Amazonian jungles, and, not surprisingly, the local gods aren't very keen on an outsider poking around in their world. The gods are angry with Emmet, or so it would seem, and they're not much happier with his rag-tag rescue party. The theme of vengeful spirits might be vague and derivative, but at least it's not hard to remember.

Reasons to Avoid "The River":

1. The strongest members of the cast are not given much of interest to do.

If I were a network executive, I would happily build a show around Thomas Kretschmann (who plays the boat's head of security), Paul Blackthorne (who plays the hilariously named TV producer Clark Quietly) or Leslie Hope (who plays Tess Cole and was one of the best things about the early days of "24"). Each actor is capable of grounding the more outlandish or contrived moments, which helps smooth over some of the sillier developments, but generally speaking, their characters are largely underdeveloped or given distressingly rudimentary character arcs. As for Lincoln (Joe Anderson), he's a dude with daddy issues tromping around a lush jungle, but he's no Jack Shephard. Lincoln's often far less interesting than Clark and Tess, and the fact that Anderson's accent wavers between British and American doesn't help matters.

2. The "cameras everywhere" aspect of the show becomes more contrived over time.

There are moments when it simply doesn't seem realistic for the reality-show crew to have gotten top-quality footage of events, especially when everyone is terrified and running around the jungle or scurrying about on the river. There is lots of decent footage of everything on the ship, but would the ship really have that many cameras going 24 hours a day? Even in private quarters? If nothing else, the Cole family must have spent millions on videotape, generators and camera equipment.

3. The guy they're trying to rescue seems like a bit of an ass.

As glimpsed in footage and outtakes from his TV show, and as described by those who knew him, Emmet Cole seems like a driven man who essentially abandoned his family for reasons that don't hold up all that well under scrutiny. Yet his son, who'd hated him, decides to commit to the dangerous quest to find him. The dedication of his wife, who had her own share of issues with Emmet, is similarly baffling; the show simply does a lackluster job of selling viewers on the need to find the self-absorbed Emmet Cole. The drama intimates that the jungle may have "taken" Emmet for its own secret purposes. At times, I thought the jungle should just keep him (and a few other Magus residents).

4. Some of the melodramatic aspects of the show are just silly.

The daughter of the ship's mechanic appears to be around solely to make sonorous pronouncements and to offer vague portents. She's not a person; she's a doom generator. Also, some of the "Oh! Jungle magic did it!" explanations for various events come off as lazy storytelling. In any event, why should we believe any of "The River's" mystical hoo-ha if the show isn't going to go to the trouble of grounding it in well-conceived characters with believable motivations?

5. The river itself, oddly enough, isn't that interesting.

It's become a cliche for producers to emphasize how important locations are when it comes to establishing mood and tone (The refrain you always hear is, "[Insert name of city] was another character on the show!"). "The River" was indeed filmed on location in Hawaii, but the jungle is a weirdly featureless place. The characters appear to traverse the same few overgrown paths again and again and the river itself has none of the exoticism or interesting details you'd expect from lush jungle environment. As for the Magus, sometimes the claustrophobic quarters on the ship work in "The River's" favor, but how many ways are there to shoot the interior of a rusting old boat? Not that many, as it turns out.

So, there you have it. If you like B-movie horror with a mostly competent cast, you could do worse than this show. The psychological and philosophical underpinnings of the show are thin at best, but some effectively freaky things happen, and if you're in the mood for a short-term commitment, "The River's" two-month run, unlike the Amazon, isn't all that long.

We weren't there, so we can't tell you what really happened, but as Andy remembers it, Conan was filled with rage at his Super Bowl party over the Pats losing and did some pretty outrageous things. That's a far cry from how Conan remembers it -- In his version of things we see only the perfect gentleman and best of sports.

Watch Conan and Andy's Super Bowl "flashbacks" above and, because it's too funny not to include, check out Billy Eichner's "Billy On The Street"-style coverage that he did for Conan from the actual Super Bowl (or as he probably calls it, a criminally short Madonna concert).

WATCH: Billy Eichner's Super Bowl experience

The mission? Set up a camera in the house and "accidentally" unplug the TV during the big game to see how people would react.

We'll admit that the adults in this video aren't quite as endearing as their younger counterparts in the earlier installments, but it's still pretty great to see grown men huff and puff like four year olds over a televised event.

International readers can click here to watch the video on YouTube.

Dorothy agreed to take part in a documentary about addiction, only to find that her worried family was instead staging an intervention. Faced with her relatives and interventionist Candy Finnigan, Dorothy didn't like what she was hearing and decided to leave.

Her half-sister tried to stop her, asking "What can't you do this for me?" but Dorothy just wouldn't stop running away. Her parting shot: "Don't ever talk to me again."

Thankfully, Dorothy was later persuaded to get treatment for her drug and alcohol addictions. She has reportedly been sober since Sept. 14th, 2011

"Intervention" airs Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on A&E.

TV Replay scours the vast television landscape to find the most interesting, amusing, and, on a good day, amazing moments, and delivers them right to your browser.

It's week six of "The Bachelor" and Ben is convinced that he's completely on target to find true love among the remaining ladies. Sure, that inevitably comes with a few embarrassing moments that he'd rather not re-live on national television, but that's all part of this amazing journey. Luckily for Ben, most of the low moments were eventually diffused by a high one. And sadly, most of the high moments were eclipsed by low ones. Allow me to elaborate.

The Ups and Downs of Ben's "Relationships"

He's a Survivor ... For the Most Part
Ben and Kacie B. are dropped off on a deserted island to experience what it's like to live in the wild, completely relying on one another's survival skills using only three items from their luggage at Trump's Ocean Club in Panama. Kacie B. brought a stuffed monkey, a bag of gummy bears and a Swiss Army knife. Considering the restraint she exhibited to not pack the baton, I think she deserves an "E" for effort. Ben somehow scrounged up a fishing net, a book of matches and a machete. Had this been a true competition, he and the ABC intern who packed is duffle bag totally outwitted, outsmarted and outplayed Kacie B. Things were going really well as the two sauntered down the beach holding hands, swirling glasses of Merlot. I guess that was in the camera man's bag. Anyway, Ben decides to cut down some coconuts for dinner. Twenty minutes later, he's still hacking away at the stubborn exterior. He feels even less manly as he dines on a balanced meal of gummy bears and the fish Kacie B. caught in his net.

Gird Your Loins
Ben paddles the girls on the group date to a secluded village in the middle of the rain forest. We were meant to believe that our troop of young hopefuls not only happened upon this quaint village by accident, but that all of the ladies were totally okay dripping wet from the pouring rain. Fortunately, the tribe had extra costumes and everyone was able to change into something more comfortable: The girls were in beaded bras and Ben was in a loin cloth. He looked ridiculous, as if ready to play a Junior Gladiator or cupid in a schmaltzy Valentine's Day production at Sonoma Town Hall. His embarrassment was plastered all over his face until he noticed that Courtney the Model was wearing her beaded bra sans bathing suit top. Things went a little primal after that.

Who Knew Creative Memories Had a Ransom Note Scrapbooking Template?
Rachel and Jugs McGee (Blakeley) were paired up for the dreaded two-on-one date: two girls, one rose; one stays and one goes. Rachel is freaking out about being the third wheel. Jugs is using this time to grind all over our Bachelor during their salsa lesson. She put the dirty in dancing. She pretended Ben was her pole. She was confident she was going to receive the date rose with every shimmy of her money maker. During her alone time with Ben, she presented him with a scrapbook. Yes, Jugs walked him through roughly 45 pages of imaginary scenarios of fake dates, their life together in San Francisco and I'm sure at least four color swatches for bridesmaid dresses. Each story was formed from words cut out of magazines and brochures. It was the stuff serial killers would be proud of and just freaky enough for Ben to send her packing.

Barefoot Blue Jean Romper Night
Our host Chris Harrison requests a private audience with the blonde girl who you don't remember named Casey. He reveals that three people have told him that she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend Michael and she needs to come clean with her feelings. Is she in this for the right reasons? Or does she still love this Michael person? After twisting her words around, Harrison gets her to reveal that "she doesn't want to be in love with Michael" which is code for "I still have the hots for Michael." Somewhere in a shady bar in Kansas, Michael's buddies raise a Coors Light in his honor for somehow controlling the emotions of this girl even months after they've broken up. Ben, irritated that he's been unconventionally "left" not once, but three times this season (a record), tells her to pack her things. Harrison takes one for the team, and pulls her in for a hug before she notices how hard he's trying not to laugh after her outburst in the hall.

Kissing: 101
Ben is really thrilled that Jaime has decided to have an actual conversation with him at the rose ceremony and even gets more excited when she decides the best way to show him that she cares is by giving him a lap dance in her short red dress. The buzz dies down when she can't stop giggling at her own spontaneous ways. She dismounts his crotch, chooses a more ladylike position beside him on the bench and then suggests they simply make out. For the next 20 unfortunate minutes, Jaime gives Ben a step-by-step lesson on how to French kiss a girl. Her instructions are peppered with key indicators that this is not going well, such as, "Yeah, I know." or "I've kissed a girl before" and the zinger, "You are making this so much harder than it needs to be." No one likes to be told what to do, especially when you're told to take a moment to say your goodbyes.

What did you think of last night's show? Is Courtney going to be outed as the mean girl next week? Will Emily leave the show for the chief of the tribe? Is it too much to ask for Lindzi to tone down on the bronzer? Share your thoughts in the comment section!

To read the entire recap of last night's episode, visit www.iHateGreenBeans.com.

Imagine his excitement, then, when he was approached by a man with "the most documented" framed lock of hair taken from President Abraham Lincoln after he was shot.

The paperwork certified its gruesome history as "ten strands of hair from the lock that was removed to access the fatal wound," and was signed by Charles Taft, one of Lincoln's attending surgeons.

A large lock of hair from Lincoln had previously been appraised at a whopping $500,000, so if authentic, this could be worth a fortune. But this one was considerably smaller, and its owner started the bargaining at $5,000. After some haggling, Jimmie was able to buy the lock of Lincoln's hair for only $1,250. It looks like the "Cajun Pawn Stars" made out pretty well on this one.

Check out the original "Pawn Stars" appraising Edward VIII's signed memoirs.

The "Cajun Pawn Stars" unveil more finds on Mondays at 9 p.m. EST on History.

TV Replay scours the vast television landscape to find the most interesting, amusing, and, on a good day, amazing moments, and delivers them right to your browser.